Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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