So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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