Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
