Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Randomize