dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
