yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
