The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
