Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
