It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
