she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
