I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize