my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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