nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
