I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
