I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
