Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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