Your dad touched me again.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize