Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
