Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
