when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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