the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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