I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
