Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
