after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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