We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
