Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
