I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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