how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
