how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
