I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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