Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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