shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
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