One girl and one boy is just not enough.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
