i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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