i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
