So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
