I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
My cat gives me a boner
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize