tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
