if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
