dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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