Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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