Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
She needs sedatives and a leash
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
