i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
These tits shall not be calmed
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
