your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
