girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
he fucked my hip out of place.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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