Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
