I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
