I'm lost and stupid without you.
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
