how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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