The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
