your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
