y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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