Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
