well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
someone owes me an orgasm
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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