so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize
