We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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