just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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