Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
