its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
