the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
