Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize