actually, I'm a sock model
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
