i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
