What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize