we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
My vagina is very pro this idea
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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