Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
we're so committed to being not committed
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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