She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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