You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
