vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
