Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
