i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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