a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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