Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
