maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
