when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Watching her eat just hurts me
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
