i already hear my dad disowning me
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
